How Weed Can Save America
Ahhh, weed. With a name like mine, you can bet I enjoy the buds. But never did I dream that my favorite little plant would save the world. Now, Cannibus Sativa has emerged as the possible solution to what Spiro Agnew might call a plethora of plagues, problems, and plundering perpetrated by plutocratic pecuniary pimpsters.
Marijuana, if legalized, and hemp in general, can fix a lot of problems in America.
Legal Marijuana would cause an immediate and profitable new sector in our economy. Retailers, wholesalers, growers, and manufacturers would all have to be established. About 500,000 new domestic businesses would spring up, each employing an average of ten people. That’s 5 million jobs, which is five-sixths of the people who are unemployed now. This industry would conservatively generate $30 billion in federal taxes each year – enough to bail out the “Big 3″ auto makers.
An entire element of America, potheads, would no longer be criminals – they would be entrepreneurs. The hundreds of thousands of marijuana offenders in jail could be released. This would leave plenty of room in our prisons for sexual predators, murderers, spammers, war criminals, and those who actually are A Menace To Society. This would also move about 5 million Americans from the category of “offenders” into that of “law abiding citizens” (not to mention taxpayers).
Now, this would not happen with medicinal marijuana, and I am not in favor of “medicinal” legalization, because it causes too many problems. First, you can’t have any unless you’re sick. That’s stupid. Second, once you make something a “medicine”, you assure yourself that it is going to be expensive to get, and controlled by the health care and pharmaceuticals industry. Once those guys get it, it will never “go public”. So I am against “medicinal marijuana” for the same reason I would oppose “medicinal booze”.
What I am referring to really would not require a Constitutional Amendment, just a broad interpretation of the 21st Amendment which repealed Prohibition. In fact, if the marijuana were converted into an “intoxicating beverage” it would already be legal under federal law.
The legalization of marijuana would be to President Obama a striking parallel to FDRs restoring the booze during his first term. We would all know that we really are getting “a new deal”. Legalizing weed would tell the world that it really is a new era in the Land of the Free.
The folks who are against legal marijuana are mostly parsimonious, cunning, religiously hypocritical, pompous, and devoid of reason. They are the exact same people who will tell you with a straight face that they believe dinosaurs and humans co-existed, that there used to be giants, and that the sun stood still in the sky for 24 hours so some guys could slaughter some other guys and take away their wives and land.
However, the fucknuts whose great ideas and fine moral values have got us circling the motherfucking drain need to sit this one out. We don’t need your ignorant witchburner opinions right now, we need some gotdam action. Legalize pot. It’s high time.
